MUSE LIFE: Season of Love
This season of love, marks a year of removing myself from a very toxic relationship. A relationship filled of deceit, infidelity & anger. It was relationship I felt very attached to for the sake of our young daughter and the more I tried to salvage the relationship. The more I tried, the more I cried for not only myself for, but our young daughter.
I did not want our daughter to be a victim in our unhappiness with one another. I wanted my child to know love, see love & enjoy love - not be scarred by what her parents were showing her. Although her father & I loved each other, the love we had was far too damaged. As we all know, not everything can be fixed & sometimes the best thing to do is let go. Ultimately, I did what was best for all of us - I let go.
The more time I spend thinking about it - the more mixed my emotions become. There's a level of uncertainty for how I should feel or how I should react towards parting ways and being alone. I question whether I should be celebrating or in a state of sorrow & anger for taking what I believed was the only option - to raise a child on my own. But then I look back at this past year & instead of feeling all of these emotions, I remind myself, "You did it. You made it through the heartbreak. You made it through the hardest part.”
When I decided to let go, I knew time was going to be my greatest evil, but also my saving grace. I knew that if I got past the ticking clock I would be okay. This past year taught me patience, strength, tolerance & most importantly - trust. I took a leap of faith not knowing how I would find the strength to move on from the betrayal & disappointment, or the challenges I would face as single mother. I questioned how would I learn to love myself after remembering all of the feelings from years of feeling numb. I put all my faith into trusting time & that with time, all my wounds would heal so that I can forgive.
As I approach this year, I realize just how far I have made it. I realize this has been one of the most rewarding, selfless & accomplishing years of my life. I have grown, forgiven & challenged myself in ways I used to be so doubtful about. I had so many fears about being a single mom, but I am raising a beautiful & silly little girl who looks up to me. I want her to be the best version of me without the struggle, heartache & tears. Without the heartache of this past year, she would have never seen the woman I am today. My focus and ambition is driven by being better for the both of us.
These days I no longer harbor negative energy or ill feelings towards what I've gone through in the past. I am truly happy with where I am in life & for once in my life I have not second guessed any decisions I have made. I have not gone backwards on any promises I have made to myself or my daughter & it feels really good.
Everyone's timing is different, but always remember that no matter how difficult it may be - time is of the essence. Go into this season of love with no reservations & an open heart for the opportunity to love & be loved. Allow love to enter, allow your heart to give itself again, allow yourself to trust the magic of timing. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason & what is meant to be will be.
We stumble upon different obstacles in our lives at the perfect time. We close & open new chapters as we evolve from different experiences. When the timing is right - you will know. Your world will align & all the small pieces of the puzzle you've been fumbling over or trying to make sense of will suddenly click.
Remember to trust the magic of timing, because if you don't, you may shut your heart from the beauty of love, but also you could potentially numb your mind from the fears of a broken heart. The pain is temporary, but love will always remain pure & true. Its an emotion that can never be doubted.
Love is growth. Love is forgiveness. Love is courage. Believe that wholeheartedly & it will all make sense at the perfect time in your life. Trust your heart, you won't regret it.